Unthinkable Wings

When the English ranch owner "Flim" Wimsey comes to town,pursued by a number of odd rumours about a war and a girl and some emeralds, no-one knows quite what to make of him. He looks like a grinning idiot, plays Bach on the saloon piano, gets on suspiciously well with the local Indians, and if it wasn't for the fact there's nothing much worth spying on, it would be obvious that he was an English spy. On the other hand, he does know what he's doing with the ranch, and he's a crack good shot, and he doesn't seem to want any trouble. Also, he's remarkably good friends with the saloon keeper, Bunter, who seems to owe him a favour, who is rumoured to have a number of... interesting contacts in Deadwood, and no-one wants to get on the wrong side of him. So he's pretty much let be, despite the mild suspicion with which the local sherriff (and lay preacher) Parker continues to regard him. Until Wimsey gets drawn in - purely, he protests, out of boredom - into helping Parker solve that rare thing in the West, a murder where it isn't perfectly clear who did it, and where alcohol wasn't involved, and the two men find themselves, whether they really want to or not, Cleaning Up Town together, with a little help from Bunter and his surprisingly drinkable moonshine port...

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I'd read that one. Especially the parts about moonshine port.

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You may think it's impossible to produce drinkable port in the middle of the 19th C West, but Bunter Has His Ways....

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I think "drinkable port" is a contradiction in terms, but de gustibus non disputandum etc

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I enjoy drinking it, but it gives me really unpleasant hangovers, so I generally don't, anymore.

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Bunter would say that the quality of the port clearly wasn't good enough.

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Bunter may well be right, and I'd be obliged if he took it up with the Bursar. (Though I don't know: there may just be something in port as such that disagrees with me)

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I am shocked, shocked.

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sacred-sarcasm.livejournal.com

Pirates!Wimsey and Bunter, on the Spanish Main.
(possibly with wench!Harriet, just because she'd hate it so)

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I'm thinking something along the lines of "Captain Blood"; after being unjustly sold into slavery for treason, Peter escapes and takes up piracy, aided by his loyal and somewhat frightening manservant/ first mate, Bunter, and terrifies the Spanish Main in his ship the Argonaut.

Meanwhile, Harriet Vane, a clever but impoverished young woman of good but unfortunately dead family, has been driven to governessing and embarking with a rich English merchant who is emigrating to the Caribbean with a view to trading in slaves. It turns out that he has his eye on Harriet, much to her distress, and when he unexpectedly dies, the ship's crew leap to the conclusion that she did him in, they clap her in the ship's brig, and make for the nearest British port to have her tried and hanged. At this moment, however, the ship is boarded by the Argonauts, and Peter is instantly smitten with Harriet. She, however, is unconvinced by his promises of the joys of a life spent doling out the rum and cleaning cutlasses, and so Peter instead finds himself setting out to prove her innocence.

After a series of adventures, he does so, but rather than marry him, Harriet sets up a school on St Kitts, only occasionally getting dragged in to Peter's disreputable adventures. Eventually, however, she realises that she loves him back, and after a few further vicissitudes, Peter's innocence (and valuable service harrying the Spanish) is belated recognized, and he is made a governor of one of the smaller islands. He's not entiely sure whether or not this is a good thing, but he and harriet live happily ever after nonetheless.

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sacred-sarcasm.livejournal.com

That is wonderful! And exactly how their relationship would go.

I particularly love 'good but unfortunately dead' family (these sort of stories are always very keen to tell you that the heroes/heroines are from good stock)

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Thanks! And no, it wouldn't do for our Brooding! Romantic! Just wicked enough! hero to get stuck with a real wench, would it?

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Sayers wingfic.

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??? I must confess that I do not know what that means.

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wingfic - fic in which one or more characters suddenly sprouts (usually feathery angel) wings. However, as it would be unkind to force you to go and read any of the stuff, I shall offer you an alternative:

Wimsey and/or Bunter and/or Harriet as seen from the AU perspective that is the mind of Mohammed Al Fayed. Must include the Duke of Edinburgh.

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*sporks eyes out*

Wimsey wingfic would surely begin and end with

Peter: Bunter, I appear to have sprouted wings over night. Feathery ones. Damned disconcertin'.
Bunter: Indeed, I could hardly help noticing, my Lord, and I took the liberty of finding a very discreet clinic in the South of France, where I understand they can deal with such matters....

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How could it be anything else?

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Clearly, in the Al Fayed! Strong Poison, Peter would be a tool of the Duke of Edinburgh, and responsible for Dodi and Diana's murder. As a reward, it would be arranged that Harriet, who is clearly as guilty as sin, would be cleared of murder for him, and Urquhart, who knew too many of the Duke's dastardly secrets, would be hanged instead†...

† Clearly in this scenario, 'Megatherium Trust' is code for something really dirty, but I'm not quite sure what.

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† Clearly in this scenario, 'Megatherium Trust' is code for something really dirty, but I'm not quite sure what.

Some sort of perverse, possibly treasonous sexual practice involving dog collars and pretending to be impecunious artists, greatly favoured by the Duke.

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But of course. How stupid of me not to have realised.

The Cattery, of course, is also a cover for a group of (kinky) assassins....

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Davey Balfour and Alan Breck in an American high school. With cheerleaders.

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????

HELP. I know nothing about American High Schools, other than what i learned from Buffy and Heroes...

David Balfour, transferring to a new school after losing his parents, and troubled by the suspicion that his uncle has embezzled his inheritance, is hassled by the local jocks and defended by Alan, who is a talented musician and good in a fight, but one of the weird kids who hang about the library, and David doesn't really want to be one of them. But when he's falsely accused, he needs Alan's help to clear his name, save him from arrest and free him from his uncle.

Oh yes, the cheerleaders. Barbara Grant is one, despite the fact that her sharp tongue suggests that she doesn't take that (or anything) seriously. Catriona, a shy girl she'd like to take under her wing, isn't.

It's a good job I don't actually have to write this, as it's lame beyond all words....

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it's lame beyond all words....

I thought that was a requirement of the genre? Anyway, I thought you made a jolly good first of it.

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coyotegoth.livejournal.com

Harry Potter- ancient Rome?

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I think it would end up turning into a cross between the "Eagle of the Ninth" and the Roman stories in "Puck of Pooks Hill", with Harry in the protagonist role (James would have died with the Ninth Legion). Tricky, though - I don't think I know any Archetypal Roman Plots, other than Julius Caesar. Though I suppose it would be quite funny to rewrite "The Golden Ass" for the HP verse, but that's the wrong way round...

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dolorous-ett.livejournal.com

The Patrick O'Brien series meets The Archers?

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Which would be the story of how Jack Aubrey, a relatively newly promoted post captain with prize money to burn, and his mysterious medical friend Stephan Maturin would take a house near the apparently idyllic small village of Ambridge. Jack, who for some reason believes he is born to breed race horses, falls foul of the dubious Londoner Matt Crawford, who claims to be a gentleman, and who suspects Jack of having an affair with his mistress Lilian. In the meantime, village gossip distrusts Maturin, who is a Papist and possibly even foreign, though they don't quite know what to make of the fact that he strikes up a great friendship with the Vicar (who is frankly overjoyed to run into someone with more than half a brain). The situation is complicated when Mrs Aldridge decides that her Jack would make a good husband for daughter Alice, despite the fact that her husband distrusts him (largely because he's jealous of his success with the local women, but he can't very well tell his wife that). Alice, on the other hand, only enjoys talking to Jack because she has a secret dream of disguising herself as a boy and joining the Navy.

Things come to a head when Matt, who has won large sums of money from Jack by crooked play, discovers him in a compromising position with Lilian, and determines to destroy him by fair means or foul, but foul for choice... There is possibly also a comic subplot involving the unspeakably dull Archers attempting to get Stephen to advise them about cattle breeding, and the Doctor attempting to avoid them by ever more transparent ploys, although he a certain amount of sympathy Phillip Archer, who leads the gallery band (no organs!) and has some genuine musical feeling.

Oh, and of course there is also a scene in which the Grundys' sell Jack's servants (old shipmates) alarming quantities of cider, and the Doctor is sarcastic...

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dolorous-ett.livejournal.com

This is absolutely amazing - I can just see poor Steven trapped in a corner by Shula or David in full cry - not to mention Killick and Joe Grundy getting cosy over strong drink!

Is there any hope at all that you might write this for real? I think it would make an amazing fic.

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