More Weird Anglican/ Catholic Satire

[tree_and_leaf]

A compassionate yet morally uncompromising statement of the Church's position on that controversial lifestyle choice, left-handedness: "DEXTERA DOMINI: The Declaration on the Pastoral Care of Left-Handed Persons."

For while it is neither possible nor desirable at present to decide whether this disorder is genetic in origin or merely the result of repeated nasty thoughts, in either case one may never argue that left-handedness is compulsive and therefore excusable. It is, of course, necessary to take note of the distinction between the sinistral condition and the individual left-handed actions, which are intrinsically disordered and utterly wrong.

If the Southern Cone doesn't sign up to this immediately, I shall be very disappointed...

Also, on a less politically charged noter Rules for General Synod Cricket

Comments

I enjoyed the satire ...

[overconvergent.livejournal.com]

Proposer and Seconder of a motion argue with one another

what the hell happens at these Synods!?

Re: I enjoyed the satire ...

[tree_and_leaf]

Well, you've got to stop it getting boring SOMEHOW!

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

SINISTRALS, THAT IS left-handed people, should always be made to feel the depth of compassion that the Church wishes to extend to all contemptible deviates.

That is just brilliant - thanks for the link! And until “nasty thoughts” my evidently not-quite-there mind was believing it.

(It now comes to mind - thinking of US ‘cure’ programmes and the like, that when I was a child we spent a (fantastic) week at a farm B&B where the early-twenties daughter, a student, was having to re-learn right-handedness having in a fit of childish sympathy insisted on being left-handed, as her brother was, and finally for some reason come to the realization that she wasn’t left-handed and could no longer pretend she was. There’s probably a moral in there.)

[azdak.livejournal.com]

I spent years trying to become left-handed, before being forced to admit defeat by the sheer incompetence of my left hand compared with my right. But I still automatically swap my knife and fork round before starting to eat (I only realised I did this when someone said to their child at dinner "Look, she's left-handed too!" and I suddenly noticed I had my knife in my left hand. I tend to set tables as if everyone was left-handed, as well). I think I thought being left-handed was exotically different and meant you were special. I also spent many hours in front of a mirror trying to learn to raise an eyebrow quizzically, which definitely makes you special. Alas, I failed at that, too.

[tree_and_leaf]

I also spent many hours in front of a mirror trying to learn to raise an eyebrow quizzically, which definitely makes you special. Alas, I failed at that, too.

Sigh. Me too!

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

I think people who didn't do that (at least post Spock) are the odd ones out.

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

My father swapped (I don't know if he still does it) his knife and fork round. I remember my mother suggesting that he did this out of deliberate perversity and we children were not to copy him because it wasn't big, it wasn't clever, and he wasn't in the least left-handed. I am tolerably nimlee with my left hand, and it does what is needed in tricky sewing bits and the like - I can teach it - but otherwise strongly right-handed mentally. I'd never do something left-handed out of preference or unconsciously, even if I could do it if forced.

[tree_and_leaf]

It's genius, isn't it? I thought the misquoted Biblical references were a particularly nice touch... And the mix of plausible imitation of the Vatican style, with the odd really ridiculously strained metaphor is fantastic, too.

I'm not totally ambidextrous†, but there are some jobs I prefer to use my left hand for (ironing, for instance) and remember an officious primary school teacher telling me off for being inconsistent about which hand I used for things. She didn't mind lefties, but she thought I must be trying to be Difficult (at least, I think she did).

There's probably a moral in that, too. Still, at least I wasn't in the position of my grandad, who was left handed until his primary school whipped it out of him, at least for writing.

† Actually, I sometimes think I'm ambisinister...

[prelud.livejournal.com]

Brilliant satire! I posted Dextera Domini on a certain Catholic forum. This is going to be fun! (But only in case the conservative members realize what does "left-handed" stand for, and I`m not sure that`s going to happen.)

[prelud.livejournal.com]

And I loved the fact that the whole document was aligned right.

[tree_and_leaf]

Heh... let me know if anything interesting happens!

The misquoted bits of the Bible were good fun, as was the references to the Spanish Inquisition.

[harriet-wimsey.livejournal.com]

My dad always likes to tease that I'm very sinister, as I'm left-handed (and very much not intimidating or sinister).