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So I was being an acolyte at High Mass today; this involves various jobs, but most prominently carrying a processional torch, er, in procession and standing or kneeling in front of the altar with it during the Eucharistic prayer.

Except mine - we use those pseudo-candles that are actually oil lamps - kept going out. I had a box of matches, so I thought there was nothing to panic about - but then, after the peace, when we should have been filing across to the front of the altar, I realised that not only had it gone out again, but that the wick had burnt out.... After a panic-stricken and oily attempt at rescuing the situation, just had to file out with the other acolyte and kneel down.

The Gospel reading for today was the parable of the Wise and Foolish Virgins. Well, I like to think I may have brought the story alive for them....

To think people say God has no sense of humour!

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You can wear a tag on your collar when you are ordained, engraved 'Humorous Clergywoman. If found telling jokes, return to Rt Revd...'

(I, in turn, should not try to be funny about things I don't really understand.)

Oh, don't worry... Though I'm not sure the Harriet Vane look really works for members of the clergy, although I suppose there is that guy at Cambridge who does goth eucharists.

I also tend to agree with the Dominicans: better Our Lord's dog† than my lord the bishop...

† Clerical semi-humour has not improved since the thirteenth century, but apparently bad puns are a near universal constant.

Can you explain the pun, please? I've tried to assemble what I remember of my Latin to help, but I still can't get it to work. /modernist

I do, however, remember the dodginess of some of the imagery in Gaudy Night...

It's fairly bad Latin - Dominicans - domini-cani, the dogs of the Lord (probably ultimately inspired by the vision Dominic's mother is said to have had while she was pregnant with him, in which she gave birth to a little black dog which ran about with a torch in its mouth... the Dominicans use a dog with a torch as one of their emblems.)

Oh, that sort of pun... I was trying to think of alternative words for bishop than episcopus. Barking up the wrong mitre.

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